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Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Path: newserv.ksu.ksu.edu!moe.ksu.ksu.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!agate!ames!sgiblab!news.cs.indiana.edu!noose.ecn.purdue.edu!mozo.cc.purdue.edu!mentor.cc.purdue.edu!efb From: efb@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Fred Byon) Subject: BGT "Encounter at Orange Road" Part 2 Sender: news@mozo.cc.purdue.edu (USENET News) Message-ID: <CMouK7.9Gu@mozo.cc.purdue.edu> Date: Tue, 15 Mar 1994 04:16:55 GMT Organization: Purdue Data Network Lines: 1370 BubbleGum Trek: "Encounter at Orange Road" Part 2 (Scene: USS Stingray in Earth's McKinley Station) SYLIA (voiceover): Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 46489.7. I'd like to dedicate my first log to the seemingly multi-infinite accomplishments we've made over the past year. Despite all the troubles and adjustments we've been forced to in regard to surviving to life in the 24th century, I think the mission we're about to embark is symbolic of how hard working and determined my..."new" senior crew is. I must admit, though, I still have occassional lingering doubts as to why we all decided to join Starfleet. Just prior to bording, Priss complained that things were better the "way it used to be". If there was a way to make things "the way it used to be", I would agree one hundred percent. Starfleet is no AD Police or Genom; the Federation is a prime example of how man has evolved and succeeded over the past 300 years. Sure, we could still be independent of everything around us---the way "it used to be"---but I strongly feel that the better good is being part of something united for the pursuit of peace across the universe. And not to mention that an unknown and distant Stingray was part of the sea-faring missions that Starfleet is dedicated to. As some would say, I have the honor of being a "rookie captain", but I am deeply blessed with an experienced senior crew. Nene and Priss ---- their experience on the Enterprise will certainly be useful. Linna ---- her quick thinking and vigilance in many ways would be useful in future away team missions. And I am certainly looking forward to working with my boomer creation Anri in Engineering as well as Diane Karagian and Douglass Rau on the bridge. So here we are. Although our primary mission is not space exploration, I am looking forward to go where no one has gone before...and then some. (The ready room. Nene is in a lounge chair holding a computer padd and Sylia behind her desk) NENE: This looks like Picard's ready room. SYLIA: I heard that some Starfleet architecture is more or less constant regardless of ship class. NENE: Oh well. I need to make sure that our schedule is set. First we pick up this Commander Rau character when we rendezvous with the USS Otaku and then another rendezvous with the Enterprise where we pick up Captain Picard and Admiral Conty. SYLIA: You got it. All in three days. NENE: Now what is this I hear that the senior officer command authorizations haven't been assigned yet? SYLIA: Starfleet Command insisted that we have Admiral Conty do a formal ceremony for that in the twelve forward lounge. Starfleet bureaucracy. NENE: Ah...I should have guessed. SYLIA (nods): I need to get used to disliking bureaucracy like everyone else. (Both laugh) NENE: This will be a new experience for me. I'm more used to working under others. SYLIA: We're all in the same boat. I think it will be good for you, though. Priss still doesn't think you can be a leader. Here's your chance to prove her wrong. NENE: I'll try. And I guess you will too? SYLIA: Well, maybe for me it may not be all THAT different, since I'll be primarily be working the three of you mostly. "The way it used to be". NENE: Yeah, right... (The _Stingray_ bridge. Blue exterior walls. Linna at the conn with Anri by her side) ANRI: I think you'll do all right. You should already know what button does what, and since this panel is interlinked with Engineering, I'll know instantly if something is wrong. LINNA: Okay. I'm looking forward to it. ANRI: Good. I'll be heading back to Engineering now before Commander Stingray catches me up here... (starts to leave) LINNA: Wait, Anri...there was something I was meant to ask... ANRI: Yes? LINNA: Are you all right after what happened after...well, you know... ANRI (hesitant): Actually...I haven't really thought about it. LINNA: Anri, Priss isn't all that bad. She gets kinda hot headed over certain things. Sometimes. ANRI (bit saddened): Yeah. LINNA: If you want to talk to someone, I'm here. ANRI: Sure...look I have to go now, so... LINNA: Of course. (Anri heads for the turbolift. Just as she is about to enter, Priss emerges from the shaft. They both exchange glances. Anri enter the lift while Priss goes to the aft tactical station) PRISS: Talking to that ditz, I presume? LINNA: She isn't a ditz, Priss. PRISS: Okay...talking to that...SLUT, I presume? LINNA: Priss..... PRISS: I really don't know if I can do this. I still prefered the way it... LINNA: ...used to be. Face it, my friend, Starfleet isn't letting us go back to the 21st century. And besides, we've all been pretty used to what it's like here, and for some reason, you seem to be the less adaptive of all of us. PRISS (sighs and sings): "Yesterday...all my troubles seemed so far awayyyy...." LINNA: Oooooh...punk rocker like you likes the Beatles? Getting soft, aren't we? PRISS: Oh, shut up. (Suddenly, a light pops up on the tatical display) PRISS: Heh...Starfleet Command wants to talk to Sylia. LINNA: Our first comminique...bridge to Commander...er, Stingray. Message for you. SYLIA'S VOICE (comm link): On my way. (Sylia and Nene emerge from the ready room. They take their places on the bridge) SYLIA (sitting, turning to Priss): Who is it? PRISS (looking at panel): It's that fat slob Kyson from that comminuque center... SYLIA: Onscreen. (Bennett Kyson's face appears on the viewscreen) ADMIRAL KYSON: HEY!!! Who is calling me a FAT SLOB? (Sylia, Nene, and Linna all stare at Priss) PRISS: Oh, actually Admiral...I was meant to say that you have the most AWESOME muscles I've ever seen. ADMIRAL KYSON: I DO? But I haven't worked out in... SYLIA: Um, what can we do you for, sir? ADMIRAL KYSON: Oh, yes...it's a good thing I caught you now rather than after you guys left McKinley. I need to make sure of something...naturally those A*SH*LES in Starfleet Command don't tell me ANYTHING about ship missions and such, but I understand that you will be heading to the Phi Beta sector for some..."training" mission? SYLIA: That is correct. Of course, I can't tell you the EXACT nature of the mission.... ADMIRAL KYSON: Yes, yes, I know. There is something you need to be cautious about, Commander. The other day, I received a request from the Romulans about space exploration in that particular sector. SYLIA: The Romulans? ADMIRAL KYSON (nods): Something about "space exploration" and "biological experiments". Frankly, I have no idea what they'll be up to...if they find any life forms there then my name is MUD! And I just found out from Romulus that they've already left without official authorizaton from Starfleet! SYLIA: Why do they need authorization? Phi Beta officially isn't Federation space.... ADMIRAL KYSON: But from Romulan territory you need to cross Federation space to get there. I was supposed to have Admiral Conty give the authorization but my DORK-BUTT assistant was TOO BUSY jamming the subspace channels trying to get NAKED ORION WOMEN!!!! AAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!! And then I find out that they've taken off! SYLIA: So do you want us to keep an eye on them? ADMIRAL KYSON: There's no way. They'll be travelling cloaked, or at least that's what one of their...mission leaders told me. Here's what I want you to do...inform Admiral Conty about what I just told you when he and Picard board the _Stingray_ and although you can't see them, let Starfleet know if the Roms cause any sign of trouble. Understood? SYLIA: Understood. ADMIRAL KYSON: Good. Oh, and one other thing...I'd like to apologize about what happened in the bay. SYLIA: No problem, sir. I won't be riding another shuttle anytime soon anyway (in her mind) I hope... (In the background the comminique center, a naked "green lady" runs by, with Captain Saeba in pursuit) CAPT SAEBA (in background): Mokkori...mokkori...mokkori.... ADMIRAL KYSON (turning around): HEY!! CAPTAIN!!! STOP THIS AT ONCE!!!! (turning back to the viewscreen) I'm sorry, Commander, I must get going. Good luck with your mission...whatever it may be.... (Screen goes blank and the stars return, with earth's view on the side) NENE: You don't suppose the Romulans know anything about this ship...? SYLIA: I doubt it. They've had trouble tapping into Starfleet intelligence before, or at least from my understanding. But this MUST be more than a coincidence, though. Phi Beta has no planetary systems, so what could they possibly do? (Turing to tactical) Priss, do a level three diagnostic on all defense systems. If anthing, I don't want to be caught with our pants down should we end up fighting with them. PRISS: Of course. NENE: Maybe we could still cancel... SYLIA: Too late for that. We already have a schedule to keep. We may, though, have to find another way to do this mission. So in the meantime, let's stick with our pickups and then work from there. Priss, open a channel to McKinley Station. PRISS: Open. SYLIA: This is Commander Sylia Stingray of the Federation Starship USS Stingray. Request permission for departure. GENERIC VOICE: Granted. Stand by for departure procedures. (few seconds) Docking pylons removed...you are clear for departure. Bon Voyage, _Stingray_. SYLIA: Linna, one quarter impulse. LINNA: Aye, sir. (Shot of the _Stingray_ leaving the station) SYLIA: Set a course for the Phi Beta Sector, warp 6. LINNA: Course laid in... SYLIA: Engage. (_Stingray_ zooms off into space) SYLIA (smiles): This Starfleet stuff may not be so bad, after all. MYSTERIOUS THOUGHT: Don't count on it entirely, my dear.... (SCENE: Phi Beta Sector. We see a Romulan research vessel decloaking. Switch to the ship's bridge, where Sela is in the command chair with Largo on her side) HELM OFFICER: Entering Phi Beta, Commander. SELA: Set a course for the asteroid belt, full impulse. HELM OFFICER: Yes, Commander. (The ship goes deep into the belt) HELM OFFICER: Sensors are not reading any unusual anomalies. SELA (to Largo): Well? LARGO: Helm, continue course into the denser parts of the belt. HELM OFFICER: Aye, sir. SELA: There's no way we could navigate through a dense... LARGO: Ah, but you forget that this is an ARMED research vessel. You could easily blast through asteroids with a single disruptor shot. (They continue into the belt, blasting away several extremely large asteroids. Then...) HELM OFFICER: Commander, sensors are picking up high energy readings dead ahead. SELA: Put it on main viewer. (Sure enough, a white flash appears on the screen amongst stars and asteroid chunks.) SELA: I guess you were telling the truth after all. LARGO: You STILL doubt me? I entrust my life to you and you still... SELA: I frankly can't find ANY satisfaction in killing you, to be perfectly honest, but in any case...I now understand why the Federation never discovered this. LARGO: Now are we on the same side? SELA (short pause): We'll see. Helm, get us into... LARGO: Helm, belay that order. SELA: What? LARGO: Come at a full stop at approximately 250,000 kilometers from the rift. SELA (confused): WHY? LARGO (smiling): As you just said, Commander, "we'll see". And to coin a human phrase, fasten your seat belts.... (Ship starts to rumble. Fade out as we head to commercial...) COMMERCIAL (A whole bunch of people gathered around a TV set) GENERIC GUY: Okay, people, what do you want to watch: Ranma...or boxing? ONE GROUP: RANMA!!! ANOTHER GROUP: BOXING!!! ONE GROUP: RANMA!!! ANOTHER GROUP: BOXING!!! SOME OTHER GUY: I know...let's watch both! (He then conks the TV with a bottle of Miller Lite) TV ANNOUNCER: Miller Lite presents...RANMA BOXING! Tonight's matchup... Riddick Bowe versus Akane Tendo! EVERYONE IN ROOM: COOL!!! (Round 1 bell goes off) TV ANNOUNCER: Here's Bowe showing his awesome uppercut...but Akane is too fast for him! (A frustrated Bowe missing Akane by a mile) TV ANNOUNCER: This fight sponsored by Miller Lite....if you can combine great taste with less filling you can combine almost anything! (Shot of Lite bottle) TV ANNOUNCER: Akane winds up...and Bowe is heading for the Moon! (Shot of Bowe flying through the roof of the building) SOME GUY: What a shot... ANOTHER: What a beer.... (Bell rings. Akane's hand is raised by the referee) TV ANNOUNCER: Great taste...less filling...can YOUR beer do this? (SCENE: The _Stingray_ leaving Starbase 59) SYLIA: Captain's log supplemental: The first of our three pickups is now on board and given our current crew gender bias this will probably be a very interesting orientation. (Sylia's ready room. Chime goes off) SYLIA: Come in! (Doug Rau enters) SYLIA: Ah...commander, please sit down. CMDR. RAU (sits): It's an honor meeting you, sir. I've never thought I would meet anyone related to Captain Stingray. Especially one from another century. SYLIA: You've read about our coming here, I presume? CMDR. RAU: Yes, sir. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity reading about time travel and the Borg in the same report. (laughs) SYLIA: Then you do understand that this ship is very...hush-hush? CMDR. RAU: By all means. This ship isn't falling into enemy hands as long as I'm second officer here. SYLIA: Good. Commander, the primary reason why I requested you here is because there is something that concerns me in regard to your being assigned to this ship. CMDR. RAU: I don't quite follow. Does this have to do with my service record? My service record from the _Davies_ has only one official reprimand for the... SYLIA: Oh, no, not at all. As you probably read, this crew was intended to be all feminine. Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against male officers in Starfleet. It's just that...well, as the expression goes, it's the male that puts the bun in the oven...if you know what I mean. CMDR. RAU: Are you worried that I'm going to...er, make someone PREGNANT? SYLIA: Because of the primary mission of the ship, I cannot risk compromising top secret expeditions for personnel carrying children. It's like asking someone to break your own leg. CMDR. RAU: But sir, with all due respect, there has been many advances in artificial and humane contraception over the last three hundered... SYLIA: I was never one to believe that ANYTHING could prevent conception of a new life. CMDR. RAU: Oh, I get it. "Making love makes babies", then? SYLIA: Precisely. CMDR. RAU: So you are telling me that I can't be intimate with anyone? SYLIA: It's not a direct order, Commander. Of course, you can still be friends with anyone here. But as I said...not to sound defaming or anything...pregnant women do not fit the role of this vessel. CMDR. RAU (groans): Well...you need not worry then. I've been pretty dateless for the past several years. SYLIA (smiles): Good. I'm certainly looking to forward to working with you, Lt. Commander Douglass Rau. Dismissed. CMDR. RAU: Thank you, sir. (Rau leaves the room. He walks over the aft ramp and into the turbolift) CMDR. RAU (in his mind): What the hell have I gotten myself into... (Exterior shot of the _Stingray_, then back inside to Priss's quarters as we see Priss spawled spread eagled on the bed in civies. Door chime goes off) PRISS: Come in! (Diane Karagian enters in her cleavage outfit) PRISS: Well, if it isn't Nene Romanova's evil twin sister. KARAGIAN (laughs): I'll take that as a complement. What do you think of my outfit? PRISS (takes a look): Do they have redheads on Betazed? KARAGIAN: You're funny, Prisilla. Even been a comedienne? PRISS: "Priss" will do, thank you. I prefer singing to large hentai mobs rather than making others laugh. KARAGIAN: Nene told me you liked to sing...that rock and roll "hard" style. PRISS: Preferably. Guitars and drums. Real music. Not the stuff Jean-Luc Picard listens to. KARAGIAN: Commander Stingray told me that you really haven't...er, been yourself ever since the...time transfer. PRISS: Oh, and I suppose that you're here to talk about it? KARAGIAN: Well, if you don't want to, then... PRISS: Ah, hell. You'll just milk it out of me eventually. All right... (sits up on the bed) let's talk. KARAGIAN: Out of curiosity, why do you like your former time better? PRISS: It wasn't as simple. I mean...I liked it better when you weren't exposed to computer terminals as often as you would on Utopia Earth. Peace is okay, but it gets boring after a while. KARAGIAN: Ah, I get it. All action, no talk? PRISS: Yup. Of course, there was one thing I never particularly liked... KARAGIAN: Which is... PRISS: Boomers. Robots. Artificial life forms. They killed my parents. They killed a lot of people I knew. KARAGIAN: So that's why you feel antagonistic toward Lieutenant Anri? PRISS (nods): I can't understand why Sylia would create her. Even she knows I'm not fond of boomers. But I can't get mad at her because her dad created those darn things in the first place. KARAGIAN: You sound paradoxical. PRISS: How? KARAGIAN: It's funny that you want to go back to your time and yet there's something from your time that you disliked immensely. PRISS: Well heck, it's part of the scenery still! KARAGIAN: Priss, try looking at it this way...Anri wasn't created drive you nuts. I'm sure Sylia realizes that. And you know...for some people, it takes a long time for anyone to adjust to a new environment. Even for years. PRISS: Oh, so you've been transported 360 years too? KARAGIAN: That's not the point. You have to understand that getting accustomed to something new usually doesn't come instantly. Try to understand your surroundings better. Get to know others. That was it may not be so difficult. PRISS: I've been here for over a year. We've all been here for over a year. Why do I still feel like an outsider? KARAGIAN: Not everyone is built to same way. Like I said, you may not have exactly adjusted yet. PRISS: Thanks a lot. KARAGIAN: I'm only trying to help... PRISS: Unfortunately, you're not. I'm sleepy, so good night. (Priss plops back onto the bed and pretends to snore. Karagian shrugs and sighs as she leaves the quarters). (SCENE: The Romulan "research" vessel. We see it in orbit or a planet that resembles earth. Cut to the bridge, where Sela enters from the turbolift, and Largo is at an aft research terminal) SELA: Have you been at it all night? LARGO: I do not have much faculty for sleep, Commander. SELA: For some reason, what you just said reminded me of a Vulcan I knew. LARGO: I'll dismiss that remark. I believe I have found the perfect subject for our first...biological experiment. (Largo points to the terminal screen and notes a young black haired Japanese teenager wearing a Kimono and holding an umbrella) LARGO: Her name is Queen Madoka Ayukawa, the ruler of the Planet of the Orange Road. SELA: "Planet of the Orange Road"? LARGO: The name of this alternate universe Earth. It's mostly based on earth's late 20th century. Many wars broke out and as a result the population is currently concentrated in what would be the country of Japan. SELA: I see. (looks at the picture again) She is very young. Why would she be ideal? LARGO: From...previous experience, it's always best to start and the top and work your way down. SELA: The planet's own leader will corrupt the entire planet, I presume? LARGO: Exactly. SELA: I hate to admit it, but I like your idea... LARGO: Glad to hear, Commander. Let's formulate a plan. It's time to get this show on the road...er, Orange Road, that is.. COMMERCIAL (SCENE: People watching "Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend" on videotape. On the screen we see Tokyo getting chewed to bits) JASON ALEXANDER (with Rold Gold pretzels): Geez, this is pretty gross... OVERFIEND: It's the end of the world...BU HU HA HAHAHAHAH... (Scenes of buildings getting obliterated and people having sex) MAN-BEAST: Help! We need help! HEY...you with the PRETZELS! (The onscreen man-beast points at Alexander. Everyone in the room stares at him.) JASON ALEXANDER (taking off his jacket): Here we go again...good thing these Rold Gold Pretzels are fat free! (Alexander "enters" the TV set and suddenly he is part of the show) (Insert theme to "Raiders of the Lost Ark") (We now see tentacles emerging from everywhere, but then Alexander comes out of nowhere and produces a chansaw. He proceeds to saw every tentacle in sight) (Alexander then sees two people humping each other for dear life.) ALEXANDER: Hey, if you're going to do that, you need this! (Tosses them a condom) COUPLE (surprised): Must be the pretzels.... OVERFIEND: FOOLISH HUMAN...YOU CANNOT STOP ME! HUMANS ARE AN IGNORANT RACE! ALEXANDER (in an airplane): Oh yeah? Then ignore this! (Alexander pulls a lever and an H-Bomb comes out of the plane. It explodes as it impacts onthe Overfiend's head. The destruction suddenly ends) EVERYONE IN THE CITY: IT MUST BE THE PRETZELS!!!!! YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!! (Shot of Alexander being tossed into the air in joyous celebration) (Suddenly he is jolted back to reality) ENRIQUE CONTY: Gee Jason, I didn't know you were into this stuff... ALEXANDER: Er, hang on...(closes his eyes... (He is back in the celebration as Tokyo smoulders around him) EVERYONE IN THE CITY: A LEGEND IN THE MAKING!!!!! ANNOUNCER: For great taste that's fat free, it must be Rold Gold. (SCENE: Orange Road Planet. Park scene in what would be downtown Tokyo in 20th century earth. Zoom in to a rather familiar Japanese teenage boy, walking along a stone path) KYOSUKE KASUGA (in his mind): It is spring...a pretty day. Yet I do not feel well. When I feel bad, that is when I know everything will go wrong. The festival is in a few days, and I still have no one to go out with... (He then sees a rather familiar black haired girl walking in another stone path, wearing a kimono and holding an umbrella) KYOSUKE KASUGA: Of course...! Why not?... (Shots of the zillions of Kasuga/Madoka Ayukawa meetings seen in 30 or so KOR TV eps) KYOSUKE KASUGA: Ayukawa...! (Madoka Ayukawa turns around and faces Kyo) MADOKA AYUKAWA: Kasuga-kun...! KYOSUKE: Uh...heh heh...er, hi. MADOKA (smiles): Hi. KYOSUKE: I'm sorry, since you are queen I should pay you with respect... MADOKA: That's all right...you're my friend. KYOSUKE (in his mind): She forgives me... (to Madoka): Um..er..there was something I, er, wanted to ask... MADOKA: Eh? KYOSUKE (in his mind): She'll say yes...she'll say no...she'll say yes... she'll say no...she'll say yes...she'll say no... MADOKA: Kasuga-kun...? KYOSUKE: Ah...er...ah...uh...I, um, just wanted to ask...why you are holding an umbrella in such good weather? MADOKA: It keeps the sun out of my eyes. I don't want to get sunburnt either... (Suddenly Kyosuke has a brief wild fantasy seeing Madoka sunburnt) KYOSUKE: Er..uh..that's bad...I mean good! Skin cancer could kill you... MADOKA: Better safe than sorry... KYOSUKE: Er, right...heh... MADOKA: I'm sorry...I need to get back to the imperial palace now...was there something else...? KYOSUKE: Eh? Oh...uh...no! I mean...well... MADOKA: Okay, well, be seeing you, then. (Kyosuke nods back politely as she walks away) KYOSUKE (in his mind): Dammit...how could you be such a DORK? You could've asked her but yet...well, maybe I could still... (turns around) Ayukawa...! Emperess Ayukawa...! (Kyosuke looks around and Madoka is nowhere to be seen) KYOSUKE (sighs): Back to square one...how do I end up being in these things? I must be a naturally born fool... RATHER FAMILIAR FEMALE VOICE: DARLING!!!!! KYOSUKE (in his mind): NO NO NO NO.....not now! (Hikaru Hiyama comes out of nowhere and nails Kyosuke to the ground) HIKARU HIYAMA (hugging Kyo): Darling....I missed you... KYOSUKE (in his mind): What else is new.... HIKARU: Oh darling, you'll be my date at the Orange Road Festival, right? KYOSUKE: Uh...ah...uh...er... HIKARU (happy): Oh darling...you really know how to make a girl happy! (Hikaru dances around a befuddled and laiden Kyosuke in glee) KYOSUKE (in his mind): It is days like these...that remind you of falling down stairs over and over... (SCENE: Back to the Romulan vessel, where in a transporter room we see several doctors lift a young girl to an antigrav cart. Sela and Largo enter) TRANSPORTER CHIEF: It wasn't particularly easy getting her up here, Commander. Seems as if every girl in that city has black hair. SELA: At least you got the job done. DOCTOR #1: Rather...primitive clothing she is wearing. LARGO: It's called a Kimono. Tradional Japanese wear. DOCTOR #2: She is a very...beatiful bitch. LARGO (terse): Doctor, keep your pants on and do your job. DOCTOR #2: Of course...sir. SELA (to Largo): Just remember who is still in charge here. LARGO: And just remember whose idea it was for this little...expedition. SELA: Are you expecting all of Romulus to hail you a hero should this succeed? LARGO: Actually...let's just say...I have larger goals in mind. SELA: How large? LARGO: INFINTESIMALLY large, my dear. (They exchange glances as Largo follows the mediunit out of the transporter room) (SCENE: Exterior of the USS Stingray as it zooms through space.) SYLIA (voiceover): Captain's Log Stardate 46490.2. As expected Admiral Enrique Conty of Starfleet Operations and Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise were picked up with no complications. I guess we'll enjoy how smooth this has been while it lasts. (Switch to a small room, where we see Picard staring at a large viewscreen. The familiar UFP logo appears and then the message "Starfleet Confidential" appear. And then in red, "Project Knight Saber: Coordinated by Field Commander Sylia Stingray, USS Stingray, NCC-2022") (The screen then changes to a shot in space. Enter a familiar figure in the form of a blue Knight Saber hardsuit travelling at sublight.) (At the bottom of the screen, "Stardate 8454.1". We now see the Voyager 10 probe enter the screen. The suit then fires a singular phaser beam at the probe and it get destroyed at impact.) (The stardate then changes to 9521.6. We see the Constitution Class Starship Enterprise "fire" at a Klingon vessel. Switch to the bridge...) KIRK: WE SURRENDER! (...and then back to outer space. The Knight Saber reappears and fires a miniature photon torpedo. It glares a red tip and it hits its mark: a cloaked Klingon bird of prey.) (The prey turns around and aims weapons at the Knight Saber, but a heavy barrage of phasers and another photon torpedo destroy the Klingon vessel) ("Stardate 44001.4". The screen just shows moving stars and then a cubicle ship enters the picture: the Borg. Its path is cut short when three Federation vessels appear: the Melbourne, the Kyushu, and the Saratoga. Switch quickly to the Borg vessel...) LOCUTUS: I AM LOCUTUS OF BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. (While watching, Picard naturally shudders at seeing himself as part of the Borg collective. Switch back to the screen where we see all three Federation ships fire weapons but to little or no avail. The Borg ship then activates its tractor beam and all three are rendered helpless. The Borg's cutting weapons then does a number on all three ships as lifeboats are launched from the remnants of the ships. The Borg cube then proceeds its course to earth...) (Suddenly, the Knight Saber appears and stops short of colliding with the Borg. Back to the Borg...) LOCUTUS: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED. (...and then back to space. The Knight Saber fires an antimatter spread and it punches small holes into the Borg ship hull. The Borg vessel then fires its tractor beam but the Saber then engages warp and the beam just misses. The Knight Saber fires a photon torpedo at one of the holes...and part by part the Borg vessel disintegrates into twisted metal.) (The message "END SIMULATION" appears. The entire "room" disappears and the familiar yellow grid lines of a holodeck appear. Picard then sees Sylia take off her Knight Saber helmet as she is in her hardsuit) SYLIA: This is the sixth time I've run this simulation, and this must have been the easiest. So...what do you think? PICARD (nods): Offhand, I am impressed. I'm not sure what else I could say about it. SYLIA: It wasn't my idea to include the Borg sequence in this program... the programmers wondered what would have happened had we been around for Wolf 359. I didn't want to bring back any bad memories for you, but... PICARD: Quite all right. Actually... (gets up from the chair and pulls his uniform) I was more concerned about the authenticity of that part of simulation. SYLIA: I thought that may have a been a bit...exaggerated as well. What we went up against when Largo "controlled" the Borg last year seemed like nothing compared to the actual Earth invasion of two years ago. I find it amazing that even he couldn't discover the Borg's capacity of tractor beams. PICARD: Even without tractor beams, I cannot imagine what would have happened had you not helped us. (They leave the holodeck and enter a corridor) SYLIA: Will you be attending the command code autorization ceremony this evening? PICARD: Of course. I was asked to be an observer during this ship's first mission. SYLIA: And what exactly will you be observing? PICARD: The crew functions and the Knight Saber test mission, among other things. SYLIA (smiles): Starfleet doesn't trust us yet, I presume? PICARD: Well...I'm sure you understand that this might be the biggest undertaking the Federation has jumped on...possibly in its entire history. SYLIA: I'm not sure if I understand... PICARD: Few has accomplished what you have, Commander. You must be really gifted to take as many accelerated courses in a short period of time. And not to mention that most Academy graduates usually don't assume a command post right away. SYLIA: Pardon me for asking, but then why did you write a recommendation for... PICARD: You had lots of potential to make it in Starfleet. My letter of recommendation was intended to convince those in Bureaucracy that you had a bright future. Nothing more. But since you have a command now I suppose it did a lot more than just...convincing. SYLIA: So you expected me and the others to just become junior officers? PICARD: Over 1/4 of my crew on the Enterprise have as much experience as you do and they haven't even become Lieutenant Junior Grade yet. SYLIA: Lucky, then? PICARD: Perhaps. Commander, let me give you some advice...you do understand that possibly you've been given the biggest break among every Starfleet Academy graduate known. For all of the Federation's sake...don't do anything that would make them regret their decision. (Picard enters his guest quarters while Sylia stands in the corridor, pondering the thought) (Shot of the _Stingray_ as it travels at warp.) (Back inside to the twelve forward lounge, "Hot Legs". We see a large handful of crewmen in dress uniform. Switch to a white illuminated table where Nene and Priss are sipping some synthehol) PRISS: This piece of sh*t is uncomfortable. NENE: Already don't like your dress uniform, eh? PRISS: Do we have to wear this? NENE: Starfleet protocol. PRISS: Right. And I bet they have nude marriages on Troi's home planet. NENE: Well, actually.... (Nene and Priss then see Lt. Anri, Dr. Saito, and Linna Yamazaki mingle with other crewmembers) NENE: Now what could they be talking about... PRISS: Probably about their planned lesbian threesome after the ceremony. NENE: Don't you ever give it up? I guess talking to Diane didn't really help... PRISS: I still have vivid memories of Mega Tokyo smog. Don't you? (Nene sighs) (The lounge doors open and Picard, Admiral Conty, and Sylia Stingray enter, all in dress uniform. They walk over to a raised platform located at the center of the lounge. The other senior officers follow as they all take their seats on the platform.) PRISS (to Nene): You know, if Picard got a toupee, then I'd vote him for sexiest man of the year. PICARD (overhearing): Yes, Lieutenant? PRISS: Er, nothing...sir. NENE (whispering): Wow...for once you treated him with respect! PRISS: Shut up! (We now see Admiral Conty go up the the platform podium with the Starfleet logo on it.) ADMIRAL CONTY (addressing everyone): May I have everyone's attention, please. If possible please find a chair or something to sit on so that we can get this over with as soon as possible. Welcome to the twelve forward lounge of the Federation Starship USS Stingray, Starfleet registry NCC-two-zero-two-two, where tonight we will have the official coronation of the senior staff of this Stingray class vessel. First off, Lt. Junior Grade Dr. Katsumi Saito, please approach the podium. (Dr. Saito gets up and stands next to the admiral) Dr. Saito, please enter your desired command authorization. DR. SAITO: Saito-Sigma-eight. COMPUTER VOICE: VOICE AUTHORIZATION COMMAND INITIALIZED FOR CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER DR. KATSUMI SAITO. (Similar processes are done for Lt. Anri and Counselor Karagian. It's now Priss's turn) ADMIRAL CONTY: Lt. Asigiri, please enter your desired command authorization. PRISS: Er...Sonada-delta-sixty-nine. COMPUTER VOICE: VOICE AUTHORIZATION COMMAND INITIALIZED FOR CHIEF OF SECURITY LT. PRISILLA SONADA ASIGIRI. (Priss sits back down) NENE: You made that up, didn't you? PRISS: Well, "sixty nine" always seem to stick to my mind... NENE: Yeah, I wonder why... (Priss just smirks) (Doug Rau and Nene do their thing, and finally it was Sylia's turn) ADMIRAL CONTY: Field Commander Sylia Stingray, please enter your desired command authorization. SYLIA: Stingray-Omega-Four. COMPUTER VOICE: VOICE AUTHORIZATION COMMAND INITIALIZED FOR FIELD COMMANDER SYLIA STINGRAY, COMMANDING OFFICER, U.S.S. STINGRAY. ADMIRAL CONTY: Effective Stardate 46490.9, by the power invested by Starfleet Command and the United Federation of Planets, I hereby officially assign you commanding officer of the Federation Starship USS Stingray, Starfleet Registry NCC-2022. SYLIA: I stand in command. ADMIRAL CONTY: That sure was pretty easy, wasn't it? (The lounge observers applause in appreciation, but then suddenly they all disappear in a flash of light, except for Linna) LINNA: Huh? CMDR. RAU: What the... NENE: Where did everyone go? (At the bar, a black haired human figure appear in a white robe sitting in a bar stool) Q: Why is it that humans...enjoy these tedious formalitites? No matter, I suppose...at least I waited until it was over so I could get rid of these other distractions. CMDR. RAU: Who is that? KARAGIAN: What? ADMIRAL CONTY: Oh no, it's not... PICARD: Q! NENE: Who? PRISS: Who? LINNA: Actually, he looks kinda cute... Q (smirks): My dear, I've been called all sorts of things...but "cute" has never been one of them. PICARD: Q, what do you want? Q (pretending to be surprised): Ah, mon capitan! I'm so...glad that you're here to enjoy our festivities for tonight. ADMIRAL CONTY (defiant): Have you decided to include this ship on your tour of Federation vessels, Q? Q: Apparently my good friends in Starfleet still think very highly of me. (Q snaps his fingers and suddenly Conty is wearing absolutely nothing) ADMIRAL CONTY (covering his crotch): HEY!!! SYLIA: Who the hell are you and what do you want with us? Q: "The hell am I?" Unfortunately, I do not originate from that human- based domain, I'm afraid. I must admit..I am surprised that you have no clue; sure Jean-Luc must have told you at some time or another. (Sylia looks at Picard) PICARD: He...no, IT is Q...representing a race of onipotent beings. Probably the biggest...PEST...known in the universe. Q: I'm offended! After all these years, Jean-Luc, I'm ashamed that you think that way of me. Remember all the FUN we've had? (Suddenly, it starts raining inside the lounge. Q then turns the bar into a 20th century street setting. Q starts singing as everyone else gets wet) Q (as Gene Kelly): "I'm singing in the rain...I'm singing in the rain...what glorious..." SYLIA: CUT THIS OUT! ENOUGH! (Q turns the street back into the bar. He now wears a Starfleet uniform) Q: Apparently that must have come from the Jean-Luc Picard School of Learning How to Order Onipotent Beings But To No Avail. PICARD: Q, get out of here! Q: And here's the Dean of that school! I'm surprised, mon capitan; you continue to believe you could just give orders even if it's not your ship. PICARD: I speak in the better interests of Starfleet. Q: And when you led the Borg invasion at Wolf 359, was that in the better interests of Starfleet as well? PICARD (angry): That was entirely differ... SYLIA: Mr. Q, either tell us what you want or leave. Q: "Mister Q"? I can do without such formalities, thank you. Very well, then, I shall cut to the chase, as some would say. Among the newer Federation vessels commissioned over the past month, I found this one to be the most peculiar in many ways. An almost all female crew? A special SWAT team known as the "Knight Sabers"? How much stranger could it get? This vessel makes Jean-Luc's ship of fools look like Sunday School. SYLIA: I don't know how you found about... Q: Oh, Miss Stingray, you're certainly no exception to the rule that all humans are susceptable to underestimation at some point or another. I suppose you'll figure that out eventually. What kind of name is "Sylia", anyway? Aren't those the little hairs up your nose? (Sylia groans) PICARD (incensed): Q, GET TO THE POINT!!! Q: Whatever happened to "patience is a virtue", Jean-Luc? NENE: I don't suppose you have a friend named "Stack" by any chance? (AUTHOR'S NOTE: In computer programming, two types of abstract data types are "stack" and "queue") Q (to Nene): Very clever, dearie. You wouldn't had say that to me if you didn't eat that giant glazed doughnut this morning. It really shows on your hips. NENE: Hey, don't make fun of me! Q: Me? Never! Besides, that would be too good for you. (Q snaps his fingers and suddenly Nene's chest starts getting...bigger) NENE: Whaa...ah...ah...ah...ahh...ah....ah... LINNA: YOU SEXIST MONSTER! LEAVE HER ALONE! Q: Another understatement! (Daffy Duck voice) For that you must pay the p..p...pu..penalty! (Another snap of Q's fingers and suddenly Linna's rear end starts getting bigger) LINNA: Ahh...ah..ah...ah...ah...oh god....ahhhhhhh.... SYLIA: ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISHNESS! (Sylia goes up to Q and grabs him by his uniform) You either tell me why you're here or I'll hurt you so bad your onipotent friends won't come within a million parsecs of this ship. PICARD: Commander... Q: Oh, very well. (Q snaps his fingers and Nene's breasts and Linna's butt revert to their normal size) Q: Perhaps the next time I'm here I will explore the possibility of a woman hitting a man. SYLIA: Now start talking, buster. Q: There was also an aspect of these so-called Starfleet rules that I've questioned for a long time. Jean-Luc probably violated this particular rule on thousands of occassions. PICARD: Which is..? Q: Why ruin the surprise? I always thought humans loved surprises. I'm going to let Miss "up your nose" here figure it out herself. Considering the off-the-wall nature of this ship, this would be the perfect little vehicle for my...experiment. COUNSELOR KARAGIAN: Wasn't Priss with you a moment ago? NENE: Er, yeah...I don't know where... (Suddenly, Priss flys out from behind the bar and nails Q from behind. Q lands face first to the floor and Priss pins him there, phaser in hand) PRISS: As long as I'm security chief here, no f*cking onipotent JERK is going to torture my friends. Q: Will wonders ever cease? (Q disappears under Priss's legs) PRISS: What the... (Q then reappears wearing wrestling garb and a shirt that says "Q RULES". We now see Priss being pinned in a Boston Crab wrestling move that is being applied by Q) PRISS (in pain): AHHHHHHH...AHHHHHHHHHHH...........my back! Q (Hulk Hogan voice): So whatcha gonna do...when Q-a-Mania runs WILD on you! (flexes his muscles) SYLIA (really upset): Cut this out. PLEASE! PICARD: So what is this experiment? Q (back in uniform and releasing Priss): Like I said, it's a surprise. But I could tell you that it's located very near where you're heading to. I'm sure that you can figure this out. You humans always do, right? Well, I'll leave you to your quest...for now. Ta-ta. (Q disappears) SYLIA: Sexist, rude... PICARD: Though I've seen Q more of the latter than the former. ADMIRAL CONTY (naked and wet): Waaa-chooo! CMDR. RAU: Gezhunteit...sir. LIEUTENANT FROM BRIDGE (comm link): Bridge to Commander Stingray. SYLIA: Go ahead, Lieutenant. LIEUTENANT FROM BRIDGE: For some bizzarre reason, we just entered the Phi Beta sector 16 hours in advance. And it looks as if we're not stopping anytime soon either. PICARD: Q! SYLIA: Acknowledged. We'll be heading to the bridge now. Stingray out. (to everyone else) Let's go. ADMIRAL CONTY: You'll have to excuse me, Commander, I need some fresh clothes. SYLIA: Understood, sir. PICARD: I'm going with you. (Sylia nods as they all head out the lounge) (_Stingray_ Bridge. A young Lieutenant is in the Ops panel. All the other stations are unmanned. The senior crew and Picard enter from the aft turbolift) SYLIA (taking the center seat): Status report. LIEUTENANT: Our current course hasn't changed but it looks as if we've been going FASTER than Warp 9.9 for some time now. Warp drive and navigational deflectors still on line but they're not responding to anything. Something or someone else is controlling the ship. NENE: Must be that Q's doing... SYLIA (to Linna at the conn): Linna, activate inertial dampers. LINNA (pressing buttons): Nothing's working. CMDR. RAU (taking over Ops): Likewise. SYLIA: Can we still do ANYTHING? CMDR. RAU: Sensors still functional...Commander, the course has been changed...we're now heading for the asteroid belt. SYLIA: Put in onscreen. (Viewscreen displays the Phi Beta asteroid belt) CMDR. RAU: Now entering the asteroid belt in five seconds. SYLIA: Any way we could slow to impulse? LINNA: Negative. I'm still not getting a response from this panel. SYLIA: Raise shields then. (Exterior of the _Stingray_ as it enters the belt. The ship suddenly slows to impulse) CMDR. RAU: Now we're slowed to impulse, Commander. Inertial dampers still offline, though. There's no way we could come to a full stop at this point. SYLIA (to Picard): Any guesses, Captain? PICARD (shakes head): I doubt this is an area of space that would be of interest to the Borg. CMDR. RAU: Entering the denser parts of the asteroid belt...Commander, sensors are picking up some sort or tear in time-space directly in our path. SYLIA: Onscreen. (Shot of the white-colored rift) SYLIA: What is that? NENE: Looks like something I ate recently. CMDR. RAU: It appears to be a rift or some sort of wormhole. There is definitely something at the other side. I'm getting various energy readings from the anomaly. SYLIA: If Q brought us here, then this little experiment of his isn't making much sense. (Ship suddenly rocks) SYLIA: Report! PRISS (at tactical): That whatever-it-is just activated some kind of tractor beam! CMDR. RAU: Confirmed. We're stuck in a strong graviton pulse emitting from the center of the rift. The ship is being pulled inside...this is going to be a bumpy ride, Commander! SYLIA: Linna, reverse engines and get us out! CMDR. RAU: Not advisable. The pulse is too strong; we'd risk compromising the hull integrity. SYLIA: We've got no choice then. Hang on everybody! (Shot of the _Stingray_ being pulled into the rift.) (Back to the bridge. The ship continues to rock as everyone shields their eyes from the brightness of the rift. Red alert sirens eventually go off) (Fifteen seconds later. The ship viewscreen returns to stars and the rumbling ends) SYLIA: Commander? CMDR. RAU (staring at Ops): We're now... 2000 light years from our previous position. PRISS (surprised): You're kidding, right? CMDR. RAU: Of course not! LINNA: Sylia, navigation still has a mind of its own...warp drive is being activated again. SYLIA: Is this Q's idea of fun? PICARD: I'm not sure if "fun" is the right word... (_Stingray_ powers up and zooms off) SYLIA: Commander, are there any solar systems within sensor range? CMDR. RAU: One, Commander. There's a Class-M orbiting around a yellow star that's similar to the Sol system. Apparently that's our present course. SYLIA: We might as well wait and see where Q is taking us before we do anything else... (Fifteen minutes later. The _Stingray_ establishes orbit around the planet) CMDR. RAU: Now entering orbit, Commander. Inertial dampers activated. SYLIA: Scan the planet. Maybe that could help where we are... CMDR. RAU: It's...an exact copy of Earth. Geographicwise, anyway. PRISS: Say WHAT? (Viewscreen displays the athmosphere of the planet. Sure enough, we see what appears to be the Pacific Ocean as well as the island nation of Japan) SYLIA (in complete surprise): Where the hell are we? TO BE CONTINUED... BGT: "Encounter at Orange Road". Copyright 1994 Byon Productions Inc.